this entry is mainly abt Coffeeshop Nite 2005.



hmmm.
i just had lots of thoughts n feelings.
for the last few weeks of the past year especially.
during the prep on CFS Nite, i needed to talk to someone.
not to gain sympathy.
but to let him/her noe how useless i felt at tt time.

unfortunately there was no such someone available.
All my close friends were unavailable.
My sister was busy.
Amy wasn't there yet.
Rachael n Marian were busy.
Zheng Qin was busy.
Neale was out of the country.
Yi Qiang wasn't there yet.

all except God.
God is never busy.
God is forever available.
so into His ears my words of prayer went.

now i just wanna pen this down.
so it's gonna be very very long.
n you don't have to read the Apologies part.
(it's mainly for my memorable purpose.)



Apologies


basically it all started a short while aft i returned frm Thailand.
aft i settled down to the familiarity of the city life in S'pore.
okay maybe it started way b4 tt.
it was b4 the mission trip when i was called to serve.
to serve in an area which i never had experience in b4.
okay, i noe the other members were new to it too.
n we were a very young committee.

but at least they had some experience to wat they had to do.
(Marian was a prefect in school - a student leader.
Rachael has a flair for Art & Design.
Nigel, Charmaine n Daniel are well-respected n well-liked.
the same applied for the rest, except me.
i had nth to offer.)
tt was wat i thought n felt.


Lorraine approached me one Sunday aft service.
she told me i was in the CFS Nite committee.
specifically in the Food Dept together w/ Eveleen.
n then she asked me if i was okay w/ it.

at tt moment, honestly, i felt like rejecting it!
why me?
i'd never wanted serve in this area.
frankly, i rather be like some guys arnd my age.
apparaently, they don't have to help out much in church.
they just have to attend church.
n they seem to enjoy themselves alot.

okay, back to Lorraine.
thk God i didn't have the heart to say no.
so i gave her the nod.
not knowing at all abt the consequences.
i mean the price tt i had to pay.
ok ok, not tt serious.
i didn't noe the amt of effort n commitment required.


usually i ain't very much involved in such things.
the only days i go to church is Saturdays n Sundays.
so the date 30th Dec 2005 of CFS Nite drew nearer.
n i had to be in church more often.
thk God it was in the hols.
otherwise i wud really regret giving tt nod.

i shall come straight to the point.
during the whole process, i was the ultimate slacker.
Eveleen was the one doing her best.
(for the Food Dept.)
i was just always trying to find the easiest way out.


let me be honest here.
the only things i did were these.
approached some aunties n uncles.
invited them for the event.
asked if they wud wanna contribute food or $$.
called some of them over the phone to confirm the details.
merely asked Aunty Violet n Uncle Wong for 'equipment'.
such as utensils, cutlery, garbage bags, etc.

tt's all!
if u think these are very little work done, u're on the right track.
if u think these are much, Eveleen did much more.
i did abt 15% (maybe less thn tt!)
she did the rest.
when i say the rest, i really mean the rest.
every single other thing.

i'm not trying to be selfless or humble here.
seriously, i'm utterly ashamed of myself.
i'm not fit to be recognised as a part of the committee.
n i owe my committee-mates an apology.

Lydia
Lorraine
Grace
Jasmine
Nigel
Charmaine
Daniel
Marian
Rachael
Jeremiah
Dennis
Zheng Qin
Jasper
Bernice
Kimberly
Lynette
n especially Eveleen.
(pls tell me if i missed anyone out.)

i'm terribly sorry for not doing my best.
please grant me your forgiveness and understanding.
i know where i went wrong.
it's my time management right?
maybe next time i shdn't invite so many friends.
perhaps not even one.
when i'm in the organising committee of an event.


okay, let me briefly explain wat was going on.
since the beginning, i'd not been putting in much effort.
everything escalated to a climax on the day itself.
i guess one of the probs was miscommunication.
it wasn't the others' prob.
i noe it was mine.

i had invited abt 18 friends to this event.
but i didn't tell this to anyone, clearly.
n b4 the event, i already planned to meet them.
not to go out n have fun of cos.
but to bring them to church.

okay, here comes the prob.
i was in the committee.
n i was supp to be in church most of the time, if not all.
but instead it was the opposite.
i wasn't in church most of the time.

i had planned to meet my friends in 2 places.
cos u see, i wanted to make it as convenient as possible.
for my friends, as i treat them as guests to my church.
so i arranged 2 meeting places.
Toa Payoh Interchange at 5:15pm.
Potong Pasir Mrt Station at 6pm.

early timings due to God's creation of late-comers.
so i intended to stay at home at abt 3 plus.
to get some rest n get ready to meet my friends.
(you can clearly see my selfishness here.)

but thk God i cudn't get my rest.
cos it's so unfair if i did so.
the others were slogging in church yet i was slacking at home!


initially i was in church.
helped out a little only.
then i tot i wasn't much needed.
(i noe it was an excuse.)
so i sneaked home.

shortly aft i arrived home, Eveleen called me.
she needed manpower to transport ice to church.
i did my best to reach church asap.
but it was already done.
Jasper helped her.

for the 2nd time, i tot i wasn't needed.
so i asked Eveleen if i was needed then.
of cos, Eveleen is a kind-hearted girl.
so she let me go home out of kindness.
when actually she needed help.
cos it wasn't easy as i'd expected it to be.

when i went home again, someone called me again.
this time, it was Jeremiah.
he highlighted to me the importance of my job.
he let me noe tt i wasn't applying the meaning of commitment.

"it's not easy u noe.
do u noe tt Eveleen broke down just now?
i dunno wat difficulties u're facing.
but being here in church is the right thing u shd do now.
tt's wat i noe."

tt was roughly wat he said to me over the line.
u noe wat.
i was supp to be angry w/ him.
i was supp to have negative feelings abt him.
i was supp to be telling him, "i gotta meet my friends later leh!"

but thk God He was in control.
i realised my blunder n made my way back to church again.
i felt sorry for myself.
for getting myself in such a pathetic state.
why the heck did i invite my grp of friends again?
but at the same time, i was very ashamed of myself.
for being unable to get my priorites straight.


when i reached church, Jere talked to me.
he told me abt the situation.
n i told him my mistakes.
"the worst part is tt u're going off at 4," he said.
(Eveleen n some others were collecting the food at 5.)

thk God for Jeremiah, really.
it was actually a problem i cudn't solve.
n i didn't expect anyone to help me.
perhaps God.
but it was my own doing, yet i cudn't fix it.

God used Jere to talk some sense into me.
n to make me realise the seriousness of my actions.
he oso offered me a solution.
"u have to ask someone to cover ur duties."

now the prob was i cudn't find anyone to do tt.
n i didn't have the face to ask ppl to help me.
but again, God used Jere.
Jere managed to ask Yang to help me.
i'm just so thkful to God for this.
thk God for such brothers like Jere n Yang!


so i managed to go to Toa Payoh.
but w/ a very burdened mood.
it was as if i was doing something wrong.
meeting my friends when i was supp to help in church.

Zheng Qin tried to persuade me to stay in church.
he offered me an alternative.
"why not u ask ur friends to come themselves?
they came for Chillin' Under The Stars (CUTS) right?
or u can ask them to come down to PP MRT station.
i can go on ur behalf to bring them here.
i'll be wearing my orange Race Camp T-shirt."

but i told him i cudn't guarantee my friends knew the way.
n it's quite a big grp.
it's hard to ask someone among them to lead the way.
cos they weren't all frm the same class.
they were in cliques.
no one in the grp knew everyone else.

in the end, he got other ppl to cover my duties.
i may not be able to show it.
but i really felt very bad for the trouble.
i learnt my lesson.
i really did.

i'll never agree to something i'm unsure of so readily again.



Thanks


i wanna thk God for many things in this event.
despite the trouble n inconvenience tt i caused.
i wanna thk God esp for the weather tt evening.
the weather looked really bad an hr b4 the event.

i felt so helpless then.
cos i wasn't there to help w/ the food.
n if it rained, i wudn't be there too to help bring in the food!
so i prayed alone, on my way to Toa Payoh.
i noe the rest were praying fervently back in church too.
praise God it didn't rain!
even aft the event ended..
God is indeed merciful.


another thing i wanna thk God for is my friends.
this time, only abt 3 of them left earlier.
n they had valid reasons to do so.
unlike CUTS, when a bigger grp left halfway.
this time tt grp stayed till the end!

i'm so touched, very touched.
b4 the event, they already promised to stay til the end.
n they did.
thk God!
they said they had to make it up for me.

Chunyuan
Raymond Ng
Jia Hong
Yeow Chern
Wei Jie
Chiak Ming
Jeffrey
Kaiyang
Bryan
Feng Yao
Kenneth
Ziyan
Wilson
Marcus
Boon Liang
Chuan Yang
Guorong
Zihao
Yuda

thks for coming!
i hope you all enjoyed the programme.
gonna miss you all alot.
(except those going to SAJC w/ me!)
haha.
thk God for each one of you.
you've been a nice blessing in my life.
see you all again this March!


yup.
everything else went smoothly for CFS Nite.
n i have to commend Eveleen.

Eve, your efforts paid off!
i was told tt the food was enough for everyone.
n we didn't have leftovers right?
i'm still sorry for not fulfilling my share of the job.
anyway you put in alot of efforts.
n i'm sure God will bless you alot!


for CFS Nite 2005, i didn't have the chance to play drums, again.
despite tt, i thk God for the opportunity to perform.
altho not drums, it still glorified God.
i pray tt our performance touched many ppl.
n tt at least some will turn to Christ.
indeed, "He is my reason to live..."

yeah baby.
finally blogging abt my O's.
i'm just gonna blog abt the things i came across during this O lvl yr.

hmmm.
i shall start w/ wat comes to my mind 1st.

okay.
i rem there was this time during a Sunday service.
when it was intercession time.
i forgot who the interceder was.
but i rem he was saying this.

"Father, we want to uphold the B's into Your hands..."

for those who dunno wat the B's refer to.
it's actually an acronym for the Banjarbees.
they are ppl frm a tribe in Kalimantan, Indonesia.
(if i'm not wrong.)
so at tt time i was actually thinking to myself.

"Can we oso pray for my O's please?"

i tot God gave me a knock on my head aft i said tt.
cos i almost dozed off for the rest of the intercession.

some of u may noe tt i studied w/ my churchies on sundays.
n w/ some friends at the airport
(during O preps.)
i discovered an amazing fact.

gals tend to eat alot while studying.
they always nimble a little at a time at their food.
which means their food always turn cold.
n they always leave the place w/o finishing their food.

okay la, maybe not all gals do these.
n perhaps they don't always do these.

oh ya.
i've been bothered by these few phrases.
maybe my grammar ain't good, tt's why.

u see.
i've often heard abt "clarity of mind", "peace of heart", etc.
as in these cases.
"Lord, please grant us clarity of mind..."
but i tot it was supposed to be the other way round?
"Lord, please grant us a mind of clarity..."
don't u agree w/ me?
Amen?

oh.
probably it is correctly used.
(cos i think i heard Neale say it b4.)
haha.
it cud just mean "clarity of the mind".
"peace of the heart".
watever it is, i hope someone can enlighten me abt this.

u noe wat.
there's something kinda wrong in my O preps.
abt how i actually prepared for my O's.
i shall call it Crash Courses.

i'm supposed to be very well-prepared for the O's.
cos u see, i repeated my sec 3.
so it actually means 3 yrs of prep.
in comparison to the norm of 2 yrs.

but it seemed as if the past 2 yrs were a waste.
cos i got to read my notes, etc. (for the 1st time in 2 yrs).
just a week b4 my prelims.
n i finally understood (mostly) wat my teachers had been teaching in class.
only aft my prelims.

so u see.
i hadn't really learnt my lesson of getting retained in sec 3.
n it was no surprise i got a sucky 22 for prelims.
it was head over heels due to God's grace n mercy.
n due to my school's tremendous help.
tt my prelim grades were moderated to a 12.

so i'm going to SAJC for the 1st 3 mths of 2006.
undeservingly.
n now i'm extremely worried for my O's.
cos my sch moderated too much for my prelims.

okay.
let's chuck sad thots aside.
oh, i like this part.
maybe some of u have actually experienced these ppl b4.
u may even be one of them!
LOL.

before the O's even started...
plans for post O lvl activities were being drafted out!

i was studying in PP Mac's tt evening.
i cud overhear a grp of my friends' conversation.
at one corner of the fast-food restaurant.
they were not tt loud, but certainly audible.

"hey, where shd we go aft our last paper?"
"movie, movie!"
"wat movie?"
"erm, Lion King, Lion King! i heard it's nice."
"cannot la, it's NC16 rem?
some of us still 15; can't watch!"
"aiya then wat movie leh?"
... ... ...

obviously i can't rem wat they planned to do.
but u noe wat i mean right?
tsk tsk tsk.

ah ya.
another thing tt i came across was this.

candidates mocked and teased one another
when they enjoyed days w/o any papers
while their friends had to sit for papers on those days.

cool huh?
haha.

during this yr, some seniors wud advise this.
"you must be consistent in your preps thru'out the whole yr."
while the other seniors wud advise this.
"aiya, O lvls very easy one, don't need to study one la!"

of cos i did my best to heed the 1st advice.
but apparently in the end i think i didn't work my hardest.



there are many other interesting things tt i came across.
i'll just write them in bold.

some students felt extremely sad
when the questions they spotted didn't come out for Social Studies
while others exclaimed, "I only studied Venice n it came out!
Wa, heng ah!"


"i tot today is A Maths Paper 2?"


Billy Lang actually handed in his entry proof together w/ his unused writing paper.
LOL!


"may E Maths be Easy Maths n SS be Super Simple for all of us tmr..."


Prophet Poon told a grp of us this.
"i dreamt abt Physics Prac u noe..."
woh.


during this yr of the O's, recving encouraging SMSes was essential.
essential to keep me going.
these are only some of the many SMSes tt spurred me on.

"'but there is a God in heaven who reveals mysteries.
Surely your God is the God of gods,
the Lord of kings & a revealer of mysteries.
for you were able to reveal this mystery.'
- daniel 2:28,47
May God reveal the 'mysteries' in your papers."
[Rach]


"All the best for ur chem prac.
May you have a chem-filled head :>
i asked God to grant me that and it did wonders.
peace!"
[Rach]

"'no discipline seems pleasant all the time, but painful.
Later on, however it produces a harvest of righteousness
n peace for those who hv been trained by it'
heb 12:11"
[Sis]

(this is my favourite)
"Hey.
Good luck tomorrow ya?
Rest well tonight and kick butt tomorrow.
Take care."
[Nigel]


(this is a classic.)
"Hey.
Good luck for ur papers tomorrow!
Pray for calamity before the paper.
tc.
will be praying for u.."
[Marian]


okay lastly.
need to confess something.
i cheated in the O's.
argh!

u noe wat.
i'd never cheated since the yr i got retained (2004).
i rem the last time i cheated was in 2003 (my 1st sec 3 yr).

u see, Cat High has a tradition just like The Chinese High's.
we have to wear shorts all our sec sch life.
so i made use of it during some of the class tests.

i wrote the necessary notes on my thighs.
when the teacher is far far away, i pulled my shorts up a little.
n ta-dah!
tt was how i cheated, successfully.
(okay i'm not supposed to be proud of my cheating mtd, sorry. )

tt was in the past already okay.
as i grew spiritually, i learnt tt cheating is wrong.
so i stopped cheating frm 2004 right up O lvl Chem Prac 2005.
i had lots of integrities okay.
i told myself i'd never cheat, even if i failed tt test badly.
thus, the reason i did badly for my tests was bcos i had integrities.

hai.
i really never cheated in any sch test this yr u noe.
i never expected to panick so much during Chem Prac.
tt i resorted to cheating in utter desperation.
(maybe desperation was an excuse.)
i mean Chem was always my poorest subject.
n i shdn't have felt anxious tt i cudn't do the question.

i cudn't do the 'Plan an experiment' question.
so i turned to my classmate beside me.
argh!
it was Foo Feng Yao.
"he's no Chem pro; he's a Chem noob!"
tt was wat i tot at tt moment.

i had no choice but to ask him.
(the invigilator was a woman in her late 40s; quite blur.
so thk God she cudn't notice wat i was doing.)
he gave me a solution which i knew wasn't the answer.
man, wat bad luck!
i risked my life to cheat in this major exam.
yet in the end i gained nothing out of it!
wat a joke i am.

but let's look at this at a different angle - in God's perspective.
usually during school Prac exercises, i sat beside Guorong.
he's a true Chem pro.
if he was to sit beside me during the real thing, i'd have known the answer!
however tt's not the point.

my point is God has been behind all this cheating process.
(not tt He made me do it, but He was in control of everything.)
sounds cool.
God was helping me actually.

i'm just so glad tt i didn't succeed in cheating tt time round.
if i'd gotten the answer thru cheating, God wud be so upset w/ me.
n my Chem grade will be inaccurate.

i'm so thkful to God tt He interfered in this cheating thing.
(He put Feng Yao beside me.)
altho i needed to pass my Chem, thk God i cudn't cheat.
otherwise i won't be truly happy w/ my O lvl cert.


hmmm.
in conclusion, this has been a nice year for me.
God has indeed been merciful n gracious to me, again.

here are some of the things tt kept me going for O's.
enjoy.


























alright.
i've come to the end of my GCE O level story.
if you've been reading since the start, i salute you.
n i thk God for such a wonderful friend like you.
for being so concerned w/ my life.
thks alot!
see you again.

just made some changes to my blog layout.
due to the upcoming new year.

edited my profile.

added The Story of Jesus link.
at the header image there.

added a new feature - my Been Thinking series!
yeah.
haha.
it's situated just above my links.
below the tagboard.
below the archive calendar.

hope you don't find my blog boring...

was just looking thru my blog archives.
reminded of this particular entry.
just wanted to note it down here today.

http://gland.blogdrive.com/archive/cm-11_cy-2005_m-04_d-13_y-2005_o-0.html

woh.
Christmas.

hey!
i'm supposed to be outta my home.
to hang out w/ friends.
but i'm tired.
yet bored.
argh.

well.
just came home frm church.
gift exchange just now was not bad, not bad.
cos i didn't receive tonnes of gifts.
otherwise i'd felt ashamed.
tt i gave so little.

as the Bible says (i think), "it's more blessed to give than to receive."
so i think i'm quite blessed in this sense.
at least not less blessed than most of the churchies.
tt's great.
praise God!

moreover, u noe wat.
i think God loves me alot today.
cos i rem smiling at almost everyone i gave gifts to.
(although my smiles may turn ppl off.)
for the Bible says, "God loves a cheerful giver."

wow.
2 Bible verses already.
ain't i Godly?
okay i'm sorry; i noe it's enough.

hmmm.
just wanna thk God for the gifts i recvd today man.
esp the cards.

those who gave me cards u noe who u are la ah.
hate u all man!
the words u wrote are so sweet they melted my heart u noe?
ergh.

tt's why i always love to recv cards frm ppl.
i don't care wat brand of cards u use.
just put in words frm ur heart's buttocks.
n they will brighten the days of life tonnes!

erm.
for those who gave me gifts.
but didn't recv any frm me.
i'm extremely sorry.
u noe who u are oso la ah.
i'm very paiseh.
let's move on.

those whom i gave gifts to.
but didn't gimme anything.
u noe who u are ah.
haha.
don't worry.
i oso left a number of ppl out in my giving.
moreover, "it's more blessed to give than to receive."
u just made me more blessed!

ya tt's all.
tt's all for my boring Christmas entry.
ahhhh!

shd i post abt my O's?
hmmm.
tell me.

cool huh?

hey i noe this might sound ridiculous.
i just felt like expressing my thoughts here.
ya i shdn't be talking like this.
cos i might sound immature here.
but just let me be like this okay?
let me be a little emotional.
n i'll feel better aft this.

you noe wat.
how i wished i only had a crush on you.
then things wud've been so much easier to let go.
but the thing is i didn't merely have a crush on you.
n it's damn hard to forget someone whom i liked so deeply before.

i mean.
i'm really struggling to remove tt fondness of you.
but i'm sure i'll be able to do tt very soon, hopefully.

it's just like the chorus of Jay Chou's Gui Ji (Train Tracks).
this is slightly different frm the original's:

I will stare into space
And forget you
Then tightly shut my eyes.
Thinking of that day
When there'll be someone to replace you
It'll stop me from missing you anymore.

I will stare into space
And smile slightly
Then tightly shut my eyes.
Reminiscing once again
The gentle face of yours
All before I forget.

this is gonna be painful n difficult.
but i believe strongly tt it's gonna be good.
cos i realise one thing.
i can get to noe a gal well only when i have no feelings for her.

so don't worry.
just gimme some more time.
i'll soon be able to treat you purely as a very good friend.
an awfully good friend.

TYR.