|rhapsodies of the life of Glen Abraham Liang|

The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Sunday, September 11, 2005

Been thinking (about expectations & disappointments)

yup.

God has been inspiring me on this topic for many weeks.
n i've come across some examples pertaining this.
mainly frm friends.
but it was till recently when i got a taste of it myself.

my friends have been telling me abt their experiences.
n i told them my views n wat i wud do if it was me.
now it's my turn; God's testing me.
to see how i wud react to such situations.
thus i finally decided to pen down my inspirations here.

i hope God will help me organise the thots in my mind right now.

okay.
let me start by citing a few examples which i came across.

a friend of mine in church has this problem.
it's not really a problem; let's call it a case.

he feels left out every now n then.
his friend(s) left him out on a few occasions for some activities.
he brooded on it quite terribly every time it happened.
maybe his friend(s) did it on purpose; maybe they didn't.

another friend told me how he thought of our church.
"i think our ministry has a problem.
i was talking to some of them tt day.
they seemed to be hiding some secrets frm me.
i tried to ask but they just didn't wanna tell me."
he felt tt he was excluded frm their discussions.
maybe they did it on purpose; maybe they didn't.

another person poured out her heart to me.
it was raining tt sunday.
she was w/ a grp of friends, hanging arnd in the Youth Room.
she was praying tt the rain wud stop soon.
so tt she cud go home (didn't bring umbrella).
she made known to her friends of her presence, clearly.
cos she was reading one of their newspapers.
they were expecting a ride in the church van down to pp.
n she had told them she wanted to go along too.
then they all went abt doing some stuff.
meanwhile she stayed in the room, waiting n reading the papers.
abt 30 mins later, she realised they all left, w/o her.
naturally, she felt very ostracised.
n she had to run home in the rain, sobbing.
maybe her friends did it on purpose; maybe they didn't.

alright.
u see, all the 3 examples have a similarity.

tt is, a sense of betrayal.

ok ok, u must be thinking tt i overstated things.
well, this is similar to wat i posted previously.
there is a terrible sound in the word 'betrayed'.
actually, i wasn't referring to betrayal.
i just dunno wat tt sense is called.
perhaps 'kena pang-seh'ed (left behind)?
i hope u get wat i mean.

so now it's my turn to get 'pang-seh'ed.

my church organised an outreach programme.
mainly for the teens n youths.
wasn't really an outreach.
cos we didn't involve alot of preaching.
just a programme to let others gather n relax.
it was called Chillin' Under The Stars.

we're all encouraged to bring our friend(s).
i tot it was a good idea to invite my really close classmates.

initially i asked abt 7.
then i realised the others wud feel left out if i didn't include them.
tt was why i asked 20+ of them along in the end.

cos they're all in cliques.

of cos, it was a good feeling leading such a large grp to church.
but it has its dire consequences.
abt half the grp left halfway.
do u noe how embarassing it had been for me?

they left a big space behind n we were sitting in front!

it ain't easy to get over it.
i thk God tt He shifted my eyes towards the remainder 9.
"ah, are they gonna leave too?"
i thot to myself.
they seemed to, at first.
but they were more sensitive to my feelings.
so they stayed on.
i was greatly moved.

to my classmates who went:
hey guys, u don't have to worry anymore.
cos i've gotten over it, really.

i understand ur situation then.
if i were u, most prob i wud do the same.
but i'm a Christian now.
so i might think twice b4 acting.
boon liang, thks for speaking up for the rest of them.
as for those who stayed on, u've been very kind to me.
thank you very much.
i can't be thkful enough to God for this.
n it was to my utmost surprise tt so many of u really turned up.

there's another consequence of bringing a big grp to church.
i didn't get to share w/ them abt Jesus at all!
i'm very guilty.
cos i didn't make myself useful to God's ministry.
i was unable to bring these pre-believers to Christ.
i didn't sow the seeds of salvation in any of them.
i didn't create the chance for them to be saved.
i learnt a lesson.
so wat if i had the quantity?
i didn't bring out the quality!

okay.
my point of sharing all these is simple.
it all boils down to a relation:

expectations <-> disappointments

i'm sure many of us have heard abt this b4.
"the higher ur expectations, the greater ur disappointments."
i never got to experience the meaning of this.
until the teenage yrs of my life.

ever since i got retained in Sec 3, i faced many struggles.
there may not be alot of retainees out there.
but i noe there are several ppl sharing common struggles w/ me.

ppl tell me i look like a clever boy.
they say i look like one who excels in his studies.
they expect me to do well just bcos i'm in a fairly good sch.
these ppl include my family members.
in the end my results in 2003 were utterly disappointing.

why?
bcos they expect too much frm me!

they have cooled down these 2 yrs.
they noe they shdn't expect too much frm me.

ya!
tt's true.
cos i'm indeed not a studious person.
i never liked studying.
i just dunno how the heck i got a fairly good 251 for PSLE.
my teachers told us something tt shocked me.
tt ppl of such calibre (240+) are supposed to score below 10 for O's.
maybe i'm of a different breed.
tt's why i always say PSLE ain't accurate in judging intelligence n hard work.
getting more thn 240 doesn't mean u're clever/hardworking.
getting less thn 200 doesn't mean u're stupid/lazy.

BUT, tt doesn't mean i'm gonna remain a slacker.
yes, ppl shdn't think highly of me.
but i shd oso strive to become the best i can be.

just don't think highly of me yet.
cos i don't wanna let u down.

another illustration of my point is this.
have u ever felt disappointed in ur friends?
like in the above cases, where u felt left out, etc.
have u thot tt it might have been due to high expectations?
tt u've expected too much frm them?

ya, i oso felt tt way sometimes.
i always tell myself not to expect much frm friends.
but i noe it's hard not to, esp when they are frm church.
he/she naturally wud expect much frm the ppl there.
cos church ppl have always been seen as nice n warm ppl.

we tend to forget they're humans too!
n we shd have the benefit of the doubt.
tt some church-goers might not be true disciples of Jesus.
tt they haven't been truly converted yet.
it's not easy to follow in His ways u noe.
altho God does help us along the way.

tt's why we shd understand them whenever we feel left out.
many churchmates told me they feel left out too.
even those popular ones.
those who seem forever cheerful.
u noe wat, i think it's normal to feel left out.
no matter where u are.

i speculate tt everee-one in church feels left out, at one time or another.
but i definitely don't insinuate tt church ppl tend to leave their friends out.
in my view, i say tt it's due to the circumstances.
usu. it's not bcos our friends deliberately planned to exclude us.
it's just the way things happened tt day.
tt cause others to unknowingly ignore us.

God places us in such situations to test us, to challenge us.
or rather, God allows satan to put negative thots in our minds.
thots tt tempt us to see the pessimistic side of things.
thots tt tempt us to leave the church, etc.
but God has given us free will.
it's up to us to choose which kind of thots to dwell upon.
n to choose which way to go.
we're not trapped by the devil.

aft the incident last sat, i chose to see it frm a diff angle.
it's good to go thru such challenges once a while.
cos this is just one of the many tests tt God wants me to endure.
thk God i didn't fare too badly for this particular test.
haha.

all of us always have 2 main options pertaining such tests.
n God always asks me these:

"so are u gonna be one of the weaker ones?
who leave the church just bcos they wanna avoid some ppl?
or are u gonna be one of the fewer strong ones?
who are just different frm the rest.
whose faith are not only mountaintop ones.
but they oso remain faithful even in the valleys.
which one are u, Glen?"

i pray tt i'll always choose the 2nd one...

Glen dunked at 9/11/2005 8:29:27 am

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The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Sunday, September 04, 2005

When betrayed by a friend

this entry goes out to my sis n myself.
n to others who have been betrayed by their friends.

there is a terrible sound in the word "betrayed".
to betray someone is to deal treacherously(deceitfully) w/ them.
the more we love loyalty the more we loathe betrayal.

in a hard n cruel world such as this we're not surprised when we're hurt by our enemies.
but no one expects to be hurt by a friend.
few things wud have hurt our Lord more thn to be betrayed by one of His own disciples.

how do we cope w/ betrayal?
how do we handle our lives when we become a victim of treachery by a friend?

1st, we must take our pain to God.
n invite Him to invade our hearts w/ His soothing balm.
who better thn Jesus can sympathise w/ us in this kind of problem?
it is perilously(dangerously) easy to turn elsewhere for comfort - entertainment, etc.

some even attempt to push the matter out of awareness.

but all painful situations must be faced, tho they don't have to be dwelt upon.

we must let God minister to us in our hurt;
He is the only One who can "restore the soul".

bcos hurt can quickly escalate into resentment,
w/ the help of our Lord, we must empty our heart of all bitterness n - forgive.
forgiveness may not always bring abt changes in the other person

(nor guarantee tt he/she will want to be restored),
but it will ensure release for our own soul.

the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ stands n holds out wide appealing arms to all who have been betrayed.

it says: "this is how Jesus dealt w/ His enemies ... n the friend who betrayed Him."
in the light of tt great fact, can we do anything other thn forgive?

Scriptures to reflect on:

1. The closer the friendship, the deeper the hurt.
Psalm 55:12-14
If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it;
if a foe were raising himself against me, I could hide from him.
But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend,
with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship
as we walked with the throng at the house of God.

2. Our Lord knew betrayal oso.
Luke 22:47, 48
While He was still speaking, one of the 12 approached Jesus to kiss Him,
but Jesus asked him, "Judas are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?"

3. Transfer all ideas of vengeance to God.
Romans 12:19
Do not take revenge, but leave room for God's wrath,
for it is written: "It is Mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.

4. Let God restore ur soul.
Psalm 23:2, 3
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters,
He restores my soul.

5. Don't hit back.
1 Peter 3:9a
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing.

6. See how much u've been forgiven.
Colossians 3:13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.
Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

7. Jesus forgave, He can help u forgive too.
Luke 23:34
Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

- Selwyn Hughes, Your Personal Encourager

Glen dunked at 9/4/2005 5:36:52 pm

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The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Thursday, September 01, 2005

Writing Teachers' Day cards - a chore or a joy?

i noe why my sch had our 1st prelims so early:
so tt we have the time now to write teachers' day cards.
n prepare any gifts for our favourite teachers!

wa seh!
i spent at least 2 hrs writing cards for abt 20+ teachers.
no choice.
been waiting for this last yr to do this.
wanted to save $$ on teachers' day for the past 4 yrs in Cat High.
it's a last chance to thk all the teachers who have taught me.

yup.
n i believe words alone can do tt better thn giving gifts.
for my words are of great sentimental value.
similiar to wat Jesus said to us:

"flowers will wilt away
n food will rot away
but my words will never pass away."

so writing these cards can be a real chore.
but it's a great joy as well!

PS:
aft seeing my teachers slog so hard to help us get A1s,
i don't think i'll ever wanna be a teacher...
hey teachers, u deserve a good rest today!

Glen dunked at 9/1/2005 1:09:05 am

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The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Thursday, August 25, 2005

Confessing, ranting, learning, and clarifying

okay.
actually there're really TONNES of stuff i wanna blog abt.

but there's one i feel very strongly tt i shd address.
n it had been bothering me this week.

well it's been quite a lousy week.
i guess it's bcos i've been trying to sleep late at night.
trying to accomplish more work in a day.
so my next day was always w/o much energy in school.
but something aggravated the situation.

Confessing

i have no armpit hair.
or rather, not yet.

it's not very easy for me to say this here, ok.
but i just felt prompted to do so.
not many ppl knew abt this.
only my family noes, to be exact.
not until my classmate noticed it when i was changing for PE.
then the whole class noes abt it.
n now everyone who reads this oso noes abt it.
but nvm abt tt.

Ranting

so a grp of classmates decided to be funny.

"hey glen, can u stop shaving ur armpit hair?"
"yo shaver!"
"so did u pluck ur armpit hair last night?"
"or u waxed it?"
one joker even acted out 'how i shaved my armpit hair at home'.

this has been goin' on for months.
initially i didn't mind at all!
cos i found it funny too.
n i thk God for it.
cos i didn't n don't wanna be like those who can't take jokes.

so whenever i got teased, i remained calm n normal.
even tho everything they said is not true at all.
i didn't mind being the joke of the class, really.

until ytd when i suddenly felt i was being made a fool.
i dunno why.
i didn't want to feel tt way.
but somehow i got tt feeling.

at tt moment, i felt as if i had no friends.
even my 'best buddy' joined the rest in teasing me.
i was so upset!

"he was the one who called me his 'best buddy'."

tt WAS wat i thought to myself.

i cudn't take it anymore.
i took an eraser n aimed it at one of my teasers.
but i missed.
some of u must be laughing at me now:
"an eraser? tt's so harmless!"
"n u missed?"

well i thk God it was only an eraser.
cos there was a stapler on my table.
n there cud have been bloodshed if i wanted to.
(i was a violent kid b4 i became a christian.
i hit a sch mate's back w/ a twig in P1.
n was sent to my DM for questioning)

but i kinda knew my limits.
so i chose the eraser 'stupidly'.
n i oso thk God i missed the shot.

my mood was adversely dampened for the rest of the day.

Learning

hmmm.
when i reached home, i began to reflect.
i realised something impt.
i think it was God who put this thought in my head:
"now u experience the feeling ur other classmates felt.
when they were victims of ur teases."

ahhh.
"why shd i blame my teasers?
moreover, i was able to manage their teases b4."
i tot to myself.

i felt so much better aft tt convo w/ myself.
praise God!
i almost sank deeper into satan's trap of hating my teasers.
but now i understand my circumstances fully.
n i don't take their actions n words to heart.

moral of the story:
if u don't wanna get teased, don't tease others.
if u wanna tease others, don't feel sad when u get teased.

Clarifying

having no armpit hair DOESN'T mean it's been shaved/plucked/waxed.

there are actually some others who oso don't have armpit hair.
n i refer to guys, males, teenage boys.
n we don't deliberately remove them.
we just don't grow them.
in other words, God didn't plant them there.
so i'm not the only one!

n wat's wrong w/ having no armpit hair?
i always tell myself:
Boys may be puking when they see me w/o armpit hair.
but gals will be full of envy n jealousy of me!
(esp those who have armpit hair.
like some of my female teachers.)
my classmates will noe who the disgusting ones are.

just to spice things up, i shall relate to u an appetite-losing experience of mine.

it was once of the many times i dozed off in class.

my head was on my table.
(i was sitting in the front row.
teacher was using the OHP)
then i heard her shouting at my classmates to shut up.
i was curious so i turned my head n opened my blurry eyes.
...
yup u noe wat i saw.
watever u call tt, a blackforest or ...
immediately i lifted my head n said to myself:
"wat a revelation!"

then i began to pay attention for the rest of the lesson.

no, tt's not true.
i was distracted by the thought of the blackforest.

ok my pt is this.

having no armpit hair IS NOT a sin!

so pls pls never condemn or despise me.

phew!
wat a beautiful ending for an embarassing confession, isn't it?
thk God for the tremendous courage for this entry.

back to preparing for Prelim 2...

Glen dunked at 8/25/2005 5:02:17 pm

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The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Is it the end of the world yet?

don't worry.
this ain't gonna be another long n boring entry.
maybe still boring.
i dunno.
haha.

just wanna announce my prelim results.
i'm not proud to do this actually.
but i wanna let ppl noe something.
tt i'm not as good as some think i am.
so don't expect too much frm me.
n i'm oso not as bad as others think i am.
so don't underestimate me too far.

in response to my title, it's a NO!
in a sense, it's really not the end yet.
i'm referring to the Biblical meaning.
it's not the end of the world yet.
maybe not yet.
but soon.

my real intention of blogging this is not abt tt actually.
it's abt my prelims.

English - C5
Higher Chinese - B3

E Maths - C5
A Maths - C6

Physics - B4
Chemistry - F9

History - B4
Social Studies - (didn't note it down)
Geog Elective - E8

Chinese - A1

L1R5: 25

Don't swell with superiority;
There are others better than you.

Don't whine with inferiority;
There are others worse than you.

so where on earth am i going for 1st 3 mths next yr?
well.
i'm still holding on to 2 thin ropes of hope.

1. Moderation to 20
w/ bonus points, i might get into SR or CJ.
2. 2nd wave of prelims
ah, then i can redeem myself n get into SAJC!

haha.
yup tt's all.
aft all these, i thk God i'm still alive.
cos i choose to fight on n finish the race.
instead of being a weakling n choose otherwise.
u get wat i mean?

My future is mine to make, and it's in God's hands!

therefore it's not the end of the world yet, for me.
have i hit L5, sir?

Glen dunked at 8/17/2005 3:45:56 pm

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The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Thursday, August 11, 2005

You tell me what I should do

argh.
din expect myself to come back to blog so soon.
but i need some advice on this.

my dad's been pressurising me to sacrifice areas in my life.
indirectly.
mainly church.
tt was why i skipped church recently.
esp teens' time on sat.
it's really difficult.
cos i feel very lonely when i'm not in church.
my friends in church make my day every weekend.
moreover, church is the House of God!
it's where i get closest to God.
tho we're taught tt we can draw near to Him even outside church.
thru our Quiet Time sessions, etc.

well, the main crux of this post is this:

i signed up for mission trip this yr.
main reason ain't bcos i recvd a calling frm God.

i'm sorry, but the main reason is i enjoyed the trip last yr.
n i wanna go back there again this yr.
this is wrong, isn't it?

hai.
coming tues is our 1st mission training.
it's in the evening, as usual.
BUT shd i go onot?
my dad wud of cos say nth to object even if i go for it.
he might only add some pressure on me.
it simply means this.
IF i get bad results for my O's, he'll 'remind' me of this commitment i make.
n other things like going to church EVERY week, etc.

but Jesus tells me something in contrast.
Seek ye first the kingdom of God,
and His righteousness;
and all these things shall be added unto you.
- Matthew 6:33

now, the prob is this.
my dad, who is a pre-believer, doesn't believe in this at all!
n this makes it hard for me to trust in the Lord.

if i do not trust in God, i'm sinning.
if i doubt in God, i'm sinning!

for Romans 14:23 tells me:
The man who has doubts is condemned if he eats,
because his eating is not from faith;
and everything that does not come from faith is sin.

so now, pls tell me wat to do.
try not to tag ur advice here.
cos i won't be so free like now to come online, i suppose.

i will be very grateful if you could advise me via sms.
my number is 98302648.
but pls don't let anyone else noe ok?

haha.
don't worry.

i'm prepared for anything since i've posted my number on the net.
i'll still give thks to God.
no matter wat happens due to the revealing of my no. here.
for it is the will of God concerning me in Christ Jesus.

continue to pray for me.
tt there will be a 2nd prelim.
for me to redeem myself.
tho hopes ain't high.

just got back E maths paper one today.
44/80.
i was picturing a distinction for E maths lor.
i tot it was my only A for this prelim.
seems like it's no more.
i'm sure it's no more!
E maths shd be Easy maths la.
i'm so upset!

tt's why i need a 2nd prelim for redemption.
cos i din prepare earlier enough for the 1st one.
this is shit.

really.
it means no SAJC for 1st three mths next yr.
can u imagine how sad i'm now?
it reached the stage of melancholy.
nah tt's exaggeration.
but i'm really upset.

so pls pls call down the power of God for me.
tt He may grant me a miracle.
either a GREAT moderation for me to enter SAJC.
which is quite impossible.
or a 2nd prelim for me to redeem myself.
which is oso a little impossible.
but i choose to believe in miracles.

thks in advance.
may God bless you n keep you.
amen.

Glen dunked at 8/11/2005 3:53:20 pm

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The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Monday, August 08, 2005

Time is sprinting out!

i can't believe this.
i just spent nearly 2 hrs going down my list of great blogs.
argh.

i need to master speed-reading!

doubt i'll come back for blog reading nor blogging anytime soon.
it just takes up too much time!
forgive me.

Glen dunked at 8/8/2005 8:45:12 am

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