|rhapsodies of the life of Glen Abraham Liang|

The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Friday, June 17, 2005

Been thinking (about split-personality, hypocrisy & packaging)

i am tired.

i am sick.

i'm tired of acting like a gentleman in church.
i'm sick of behaving like a mature teen here in my blog.
but i can't seem to help it.

i feel like a hypocrite sometimes.
a tag frm someone's blog struck me.
(rephrased:)
"pls don't send all the holy msgs to others when u're (not setting a gd example).."
i do try to 'preach' sometimes.
preach in the sense of encouraging others using the Bible, etc.
but often i don't practise wat i 'preach'.

i think i have a split-personality.
i mean i have a split-personality.
n it's quite a big split.
like in the case of Chancellor Palpatine a.k.a Darth Sidious.
the only diff is i don't have an evil intention.
it's just tt i can't help being wat i am in school.
being rowdy.
being irritating (my classmates say my initials mean Guai-Lan).

being an S-Ol.

i tell you the truth.
no one on earth noes the real me.
not even my family.
only Master Jehovah in heaven noes the real me.
however, there are ppl who come very close to knowing the real me.
n sadly, they are my classmates.

CHURCHMATES (some, not all):
i'm not as mature as i appear to be.
i'm not as nice as i appear to be.
i just noe how to package my self-image quite well.
i'm sorry.

nevertheless, i'll do my best to be more like myself in the House of God.

CLASSMATES:
actually ah, i'm not tt bad aft all.
just tt i'm still trying to behave more like a Christian each school day.

perhaps you haven't seen my beautiful side yet.
i noe i'm a jackass.
i've been flashing my usual ugly self to you.
so i hope you guys will forgive me in this area.

okay let me share some characteristics of the real me.
don't be surprised/shocked.

well, i'm 1stly a very talkative young boy.
a little childish n very lame.
like my sis.
haha.
some may wonder why i seldom talk in church.
it's bcos i'm shy, where gals are arnd.

2ndly, i'm attention-seeking.
my form teacher can justify tt.
she once called me an attention-seeker in class.
man, i was so paiseh!
but i noe tt's true.

3rdly, i'm oso quite 'yellow' in some of my jokes.
since pri sch i've been like tt.

my classmate in Cedar Pri can verify this.
she wrote in my autograph book:

"You are humerous and fun to be with but yer jokes are too 'yellow', get it."
tell you another thing.

i had a crush on her then.
haha.

my heart broke into a million pieces when she said tt.
nah just kidding.

i tried to change, but to no avail.
my mind is corrupted.
wat to do?
tt's why i'm still struggling to be sanctified by the Holy Spirit.

4thly, i'm not very profane.
but i do blurt out unpleasant words.
"wa lan eh!"
"i hate those queue-cutting bestards!"
"those noisy 4-1 assholes again!"
one good thing abt me is i dare not say the F-word out.
so you'll never hear me say, "..."
i think i better not cite an example.
i pray tt when i go NS my willpower will be strong.
strong enough not to be peer-pressurised.

phew!
i feel so much better aft blogging a little abt my true self.
thank you all once again for taking the time to read this!

Glen dunked at 6/17/2005 5:30:49 pm

Comments (2)

The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Thursday, June 02, 2005

Been thinking (about relationships)

AH...
i now noe why i don't have a girlfriend.
no ex's.
no current.

hmmm.
actually there's not only one reason to this.

one reason is i haven't attracted any girl yet.
due to my so-so looks, my poor social skills n my far-frm-good character.

ok seriously, the main reason is i'm not ready for it.

some yrs ago, i started to notice my peers getting into BGR.

ever since then, i kept wondering why i'm still one of the few w/o partners.

"isit bcos i'm not good-looking enough?"
hmmm maybe.
"isit bcos i'm too short?"
haha perhaps.
"isit bcos my character sux?"
most probably.

i never found a definite answer until recently.
"Glen, bcos u're not ready for it yet."
tt seemed to come frm God.
"huh?"

i began to puzzle out the answer.

it came thru my teacher-in-charge for sexuality education in school.

"those who are in BGR, u shd reflect on the role u play in it.

as for the rest, God hasn't put u in a BGR bcos u're not ready for it.

reflect on how u manage ur other relationships.
how do u treat ur parents n siblings?

how do u treat ur friends arnd u?

it's not abt how they treat u, u noe.
it's abt how much u give in to them.

in a relationship we talk abt love.
romantic love is another issue.
but the love we talk abt in all relationships is the same.

the Bible tells us 'Love is selfless'.

perhaps u're not being selfless enough.

tt cud be the reason why ur girlfriend hasn't shown up."

i see i see.
tt was so absolutely right, abt my life!
woh!
did God just speak to me thru my Catholic teacher?
duh.

absorbed in my thoughts, images began flashing in my mind.
images tt depict myself talking back at my mum.
images tt depict myself trying to win my sis over heated arguments.
images tt depict myself teasing my classmates till they were offended.
i'm so guilty!
i'm so ashamed!
but i finally understand God's plan.

Hambali's sermon last sunday further instructed me wat to do.

"WAIT n WALK for God.

then u'll be able to WITHSTAND watever comes ur way."

"Glen, let's play the waiting game shall we?"

"ok lor."

:)

Glen dunked at 6/2/2005 11:59:56 am

Any comments?

The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Monday, May 30, 2005

Never done this before

woh.

this rocks man.
dunno if anyone still rem the poem i composed last october.
i sent it for competition online at www.poetry.com
(can search my name at the website
Last name: Liang
First name: Glen)

actually i did this before yrs ago.
i composed a kiddy poem on basketball in P5.
i didn't buy the book when they asked me to.
but this time i filled in n submitted the order form.
i felt i shd keep this special poem in a memento.

to cut the story short, i recvd the book just now.
1055 hrs.

exhilaration bubbled inside me like soda water.
i felt as if i was surrounded by angels of jubilee.
i kinda anticipated this moment.

i was ready to search all over the pages for my poem.
but when i flipped the 1st page, it was there!
it was perfect.
except tt my 'Artist's Profile' wasn't published.

so it isn't perfect aft all.
despite tt, i'm very content w/ my page.

Glen dunked at 5/30/2005 12:57:38 pm

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The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Saturday, May 14, 2005

Seeking to be justified by God, not man

The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.

Man looks at the outward appearance,

but the Lord looks at the heart.

- 1 Samuel 16:7b

i noe i seem to be going to church just for the sake of fun.
i pray tt God understands my real intention.

Glen dunked at 5/14/2005 9:12:12 am

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The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Friday, May 06, 2005

10 things never say to a Star Wars fan

hey hey hey.
i'm a Star Wars fan ok.
man i wanna watch Episode III - Revenge of the Sith!
i'd love to watch it w/ my friends(church/school).
but i don't wanna use my pocket money.
so most probably i'll watch it w/ my father.
he'll sponsor me then.
cool.

Glen dunked at 5/6/2005 6:46:36 pm

Any comments?

The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Sunday, May 01, 2005

A perspective of life in equilibrium

april has ended.

dark side -> one month closer to O's.
ARGH.
bright side -> a non-holiday month has gone!

now it's may n tmr is a holiday.
WHOO!

well well well.

time for some reflections.

man, life sometimes sucks but it's funny as well.
the only test i've done well in school is my napfa test.
(can you actually figure out the hidden meaning of this statement?)
29 pts out of 30.
hey pls pardon my pride.
this is the only thing i can boast of in sch ok.
ironically this test is the least important in my life right now!
so wat if i passed my napfa test w/ flying colours?

it's not even useful in anything such as admission to a JC!
ok ok tt was actually meant as a joke so relax.

hmmm.
back to the topic of studying for God which i blogged abt previously.

firstly, a big THANK YOU to all my dear friends who took the time to read my entry.

secondly, thks for all the encouragements you guys gave me via tags, smses, email etc.

thirdly, to those who gave me advice to ponder upon, i thk God for you.

however i have one thing to say aft going thru these weeks.
i think everyone has his/her own way of glorifying n worshipping God.
mine is just a little different frm most of the others.
attending church isn't the only form of worship.
maybe i'm taught differently.

there are many forms of worship other than being physically present in church.

well, i just pray tt my actions find favour in God's eyes.
i no longer am affected by wat man sees in my actions.

but hor, something worries me abt this issue.
my results (academic results) ain't reflecting my effort i put in my studies!
thus i decided to forgo church camp.
like wat Victor Ong said, sacrifices are necessary at this pt of time.
no matter wat, i still hold on one belief.
things WILL get better.

i hope i don't sound sad in this entry cos i certainly am not sad.
i'm in fact thankful to God.

only thru difficulties can then God transform me into a stronger Christian.
amen?
amen!

b4 i end, i'd like to take this opportunity to thk some of my friends.
these friends are really friends indeed.
note: these are only a small grp of the many friends who care for me.

thank you for actually smsing me, "i'll pray for u Gland."
thank you for emailing me very useful encouragements.
thank you for reminding me tt God is stronger thn any of my challenging tasks.

thank you for asking me, "how's the studying going?"

sorry guys i'm too lazy to type your names out.
you noe who you are la ah.

thank You for Granting me awesOme frienDs as angels in my life.

Glen dunked at 5/1/2005 8:21:08 pm

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The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Sunday, April 17, 2005

Been thinking (about studying)

hello.
i've been thinking alot.
yes, tt is why i have white hair, or silver hair, as Amy sees it.
well this is a rare thing.
i usually don't think of constructive ideas.
this time i managed to use my mind as it's created for, biologically as well as spiritually.

ok.
yup something's been bothering me.
not my looks nor my height this time.
n it's not feelings either (i've learnt to overcome tt, yeah!).

u see, i recently adopted a policy of "studying for God".
however it seems to be backfiring.

ppl are rebuking me.
"i tot u're supposed to prioritise n manage ur time so tt u can go to church?"
"sundays are meant for God; why are u staying at home to mug?"
"hey do u noe tt the end is near? it's no pt studying so hard for certs but not go to heaven!"

right now there are many such questions ringing in my mind.
i'm confused.
utterly blurred.
i was once taught differently abt studying:
getting good grades = glorifying God
bcos scoring A's means i'm being responsible as a Christian student.
doing my best in wat i'm required to do means i'm focused on the task God gives me.
n i tot God can use me better if i get a better cert.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO?

but before u do tt, pls oso understand my current circumstances.
pls don't teach me based on ur experience.
bcos i'm a retainee (i doubt not many of u reading this belongs to this category).
i have to spend 5 yrs in sec sch for an O level cert while many of my peers spent 4 yrs.
bcos i'm not a genius (so i can't really study smart).
i can't pray all day n depend solely on God for my desired results.
i'm one who follows one promise of God:

God helps those who help themselves.

Why do i sometimes forgo church in order to spend more time in books?

1. Much homework (for me) plus poor time management
yes i noe many of u must be saying, "i oso got alot of hmwk!"
ya sadly not only my mid yr is drawing near, my prelims are arnd the corner too.
my sch's strategy is early prelims.
don't ask me why ok; i've got no extra time to grow white hair on tt.
ya so my english n HCL prelims are in may while i'm still unsure when's my mid yr.
i gotta do 5 expositary essays every week.
i gotta do 4 journal essays every week.
plus daily hmwk.
plus tests to study.
ok i don't wanna go on lest u might say i'm complaining.

2. Desire to go church camp
yup i noe tt's a desire commonly shared by many of u.

but i have a criterium to fulfil.
tt is to get nice numbers on my report card to show tt i'm safe to relax.
u see, during june hols sec 4s are expected to go back to sch for lessons.
so i need to show ppl like my parents, teachers n principal tt i can afford to miss some lessons.

by now can u see tt i'm sacrificing current fellowship n spiritual lessons?
n the reason is to be able to enjoy the fellowship n spiritual talks at church camp?
some of u can go church camp easily.

the obstacles u face might be different, like financial probs, etc.

u wud be going abt saving up or borrow money to overcome the obstacle right?
so i'm oso trying to overcome my obstacle by studying more now.

those are the 2 main factors causing my absence in church these days.

i do need understanding on this.
well i've spent enough time pouring my heart out to u.
it's ok if u don't/can't tell me wat to do.
i'll be jumping for joy w/ a short n sweet sms frm u simply saying, "i'll pray for u Gland."
haha.

thks for reading as well.
may God bless u deeply for taking this time of urs out for me.
i appreciate it very much, my friends.

Glen dunked at 4/17/2005 3:47:47 pm

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