|rhapsodies of the life of Glen Abraham Liang|

The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Thursday, March 16, 2006

Secrets of the [Da Vinci] Code (Part I)

borrowed a book from Marian.

Secrets of the Code
The Unauthorised Guide
to the Mysteries behind The Da Vinci Code (DVC)
edited by Dan Burstein

been reading it since last friday. of course i haven't finished it yet. only almost halfway thru. this book has raised some questions in my mind - questions of doubt.

i pray tt thru the process of exploring the truth via this book and attending the DVC seminar: Sorting Fact from Fiction at St. Andrew's Cathedral on March 25, my doubts will be clarified and my faith strengthened cos during these few days of reading this book, i can feel tt i've already drifted away frm God quite abit.

Was Jesus actually married to Mary Magdalene?
Did they have a child together?
Was Mary one of the disciples and did she write her own gospel?
Did geniuses like Leonardo da Vinci and Isaac Newton belong to secret societies that had the most compelling insider information in history?
And did Leonardo convey some of these ideas in The Last Supper and other paintings?

In this New York Times bestseller Dan Burstein has distilled the views of the experts - archaeologists, theologians, art historians, philosophers and scientists - to sort out the fact, informed speculation and fiction behind the phenomenon that is DVC.

This book includes views frm both sides of the controversy but i only chose to share those tt answer my questions of doubt. i hope these extracts are of help to those who, like me, are seeking the truth, in finding the answers they have been searching for pertaining the issues raised in DVC.

Book I - The Drama of Herstory, History, and Heresy
Part I - Mary Magdalene and the Sacred Feminine
Chp 1 - Mary Magdalene - How a Woman of Substance Was Harlotised by History

"DVC uses fiction as a means to interpret historical obscurity..."
An interview with Deirdre Good
Deirdre Good is a professor of the New Testament at the General Theological Seminary of the Episcopal Church in New York. She earned her doctorate at Harvard Divinity School. Recently, she has held numerous speaking events on Mary Magdalene and DVC.

What do you think of the picture that is painted of Mary Magdalene in DVC?

What DVC does is use fiction as a means to interpret historical obscurity and fill the gaps. This is an approach used successfully by other - and better - novelists: Charles Dickens, for example. It's an approach worth pursuing, once we dismiss Brown's claim that what he writes is true. Thus the claim that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married is a fiction designed to express the particularity of their relationship. However, Jesus also had distinctive relationships with others - for example, the "Beloved Disciple" of John's Gospel, with Peter, and so on. Thus one must ask whether Brown's assertion that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married is a restrictive way to describe the particular relationship of a man Jesus and a woman Mary Magdalene. If one assumes this limited particularity, one then looks for it anywhere and everywhere. Actually it isn't in da Vinci's Last Supper because art historians, looking at sketches of figures drawn by the artist to prepare for the painting, identify the figure to Jesus' right with John. Representations of John always depict him as young and thus beardless.

Critiquing the Conspiracy Theory about Pope Gregory
An interview with Katherine Ludwig Jansen
Katherine Ludwig Jansen is Associate Professor of History at Catholic University. She is the author of The Making of the Madalen: Preaching and Popular Devotion in the Later Middle Ages.

What were Gregory's motives for compounding the characters of sinners with Mary Magdalene?

It would be a gross misrepresentation of history to view it as a conspiracy or an act of maliciousness on his part. One has to see Gregory in his own context, a period beset by intense dislocation: Germanic invasions, plague, and famine were just a few of the major catastrophes he had to face during his pontificate, which demanded he be not only a spiritual leader, but a political leader, as well. In this period of flux and uncertainty, Gregory was attempting to create some sort of stability and certainty for his community. The text in which Gregory creates a new identity for Mary Magdalene was a sermon in which he was clearly responding to questions about Magdalenian identity that had been posed by the people of his community, who were, it seems, looking for clarity in their faith to serve as a bulwark against the late Roman world crumbling beneath their feet. Gregory's composite Magdalene figure had the virtue of seeming to answer definitively all the questions that his Christian community had been asking about the relation of one Mary to another.

Why was Mary Magdalene one of the few at the crucifixion? Why might she have attended when other disciples did not? What is the importance of Mary Magdalene being the first to see Jesus after the resurrection?

After Jesus' arrest, most of the other disciples went into hiding for fear that they too would be arrested. Mary Magdalene and the other women did not. Whether this is because the Romans did not consider the female disciples a danger or because the women were more steadfast in their loyalty to Jesus is an open question. Nonetheless, their faith did not waver. They appeared at and witnessed the crucifixion. In my view, Mary Magdalene's most important role is as first witness to Jesus' resurrection. Jesus charges her with the duty of bearing the news of his resurrection to the other disciples. At that moment, she earned the title given her by medieval scriptural commentators: apostolorum apostola - the apostle of the apostles, a title that endured throughout the Middle Ages. Thus, one of the most important tenets of Christianity - the resurrection - was both witnessed and announced by a woman. The title "apostle of the apostles" is as appropriate now to celebrate her role in the history of Christianity as it was in the medieval period.

"Is it sinful to engage in sex within marriage?"
An interview with Rev. Richard P. McBrien
Richard McBrien is a professor of theology at the University of Notre Dame. He appeared on the ABC television programme Jesus, Mary and da Vinci in 2003, triggering considerable controversy over his logical explanation of why Jesus could well have been married. In the interview that follows, he elaborates on his explanation and on Mary Magdalene as a character in Christian history.

What do you think of the possibility that Mary Magdalene is depicted in The Last Supper?

I'm open to it. There is no evidence in the New Testament that she was present. The question is whether da Vinci put her there. That's at least arguable, given the highly feminine features of the one resting her/his head against Jesus.

Why did the church depict Mary Magdalene as a prostitute for so many years?

Perhaps it's because some church leaders couldn't face up to the fact that she was one of Jesus' main disciples, a close friend, and a primary witness of the resurrection.

In the ABC special, Jesus, Mary and da Vinci, you mention that it would not have compromised the divinity of Jesus for him to have been married. Can you explain why?

I don't mean to be flippant, but why not? The Epistle to the Hebrews (4:15) says that Jesus was like us in all things except sin. Is it sinful to engage in sexual relations within marriage?

Would all the leading religious figures of the time have been married?

Perhaps not all, but certainly most. It is clear that some of the apostles were married, including Peter.

Why do so many people find Mary Magdalene such a compelling character today?

Perhaps because they have been so alienated from the church for its negative, rigid, and censorious views on human sexuality. Thinking about Mary Magdalene raises the question of Jesus' sexuality and also makes people reconsider the place of women in the church. If Jesus had been married, that would undermine centuries of bias against sexual intimacy.

Part II - Echoes of the Hidden Past
Chp 3 - The Lost Gospels

What was Lost is Found: A Wider View of Christianity and Its Roots
An interview with Elaine Pagels
Elaine Pagels is Harrington Spear Paine Professor of Religion at Princeton University and author of the bestselling Beyond Belief as well as The Gnostic Gospels, which won the National Book Critics Circle Award and the National Book Award.

Why do you think DVC has captured the public's imagination?

What I find interesting about Dan Brown's book is that it raises a very important question: if they - meaning the leaders of the church - suppressed so much of early Christian history, what else don't we know about it? What else is there to be known? As a historian, I think this is a really important question because the answer would mean a great deal. So I'd rather not say anything negative about his book. I simply am not an expert on it, but I'd like to say it raises an important question.

Is it possible that [Mary Magdalene] was closer to Jesus than the other disciples and privy to secret knowledge, as the Gospel of Mary suggests?

We don't know much detail, but yes, she must have had some important relationship to Jesus. There are some hints of that in the Gospel of Mary, where it is mentioned that he told her things that he didn't tell the others and that he had a special love for her. As to whether Jesus told her things he didn't tell others, we can't be sure, but there are hints of that. Whether it was a sexual relationship, I don't see the evidence in the sources I know. Dan Brown took a line from the Gospel of Philip that suggests that Jesus loved Mary more than all the other disciples, and he read it as a sexual relationship. However, if you read the rest of the Gospel of Philip, many scholars think the sexual language there suggests a mystical union, not literal. It depicts Mary as a symbol of divine wisdom in some parts of the text and in other sections as the church, which is the bride of Christ. So she's understood to be Jesus' spiritual counterpart.

Can you summarise the Gnostic texts for us?

The Gospel of Thomas presents the idea that if you bring forth what is within you, what is within you will save you, but if you do not bring forth what is within you, what is within you will destroy you. And the idea behind that is, if you can bring forth something from within yourself, something intrinsic to human beings, it allows you to have access to God.

The Gospel of Mary says, in effect, seek the Son of Man within yourself; in other words, look within yourself to find the divine source rather than looking to Jesus the God Man. You can find the divine source through your own being, which comes from the same source as Jesus. It's more like a Buddhist teaching. This is heretical to priests, of course. A priest wants to say that the only access to God is to be found through the church. But these Gospels imply that you can go off on your own and discover the divine within yourself. You might not need the church. You might not need a priest. You might just go and meditate or have your own vision.

Is it possible that some of Christianity was influenced by mystery cults as Dan Brown suggests?

Yes. Dan Brown is right that some of the mystery cults, like the cult of the mother goddess, involved the mysteries of sexuality, death, and transcending death. But I don't see any evidence of those in the texts that we found. That's quite a different strain. There may well be, in Christian rituals, an influence of mystery cults, but I don't see sexual rituals there. I think it makes a good novel, I just don't know of any evidence.

Was this issue of sexuality central for early church leaders?

Yes, it certainly was an issue for Paul, just twenty years after Jesus' death. He thought it is better to be celibate, as he was, for the sake of evangelising the movement. Many people think he was widowed and had been married before. Peter was married and had children. That was, of course, normal for followers of Jesus because they were brought up in Jewish customs and that was understood to be a sacred value.

I think what happened is, these followers of Jesus, even the ones who weren't Jews, adopted Jewish attitudes about sexuality: it was meant for procreation, and any sexual relationship between a man and a woman might well end up with children. A sexual relationship between people of the same sex was absolutely regarded as an abomination by many Jews. Abortion was prohibited. So was killing infants, which was commonly done as birth control in the early centuries. So, since Christians were prohibited to kill babies or attempt abortions or even contraception, if they were going to devote themselves to the Kingdom and have a life that was free of the burdens of family and children and making money, then celibacy seemed to be required.

Do you think these texts and your work allow people who have trouble with their faith to say, "Oh, there is another dimension here?"

To me, that's very important because, I think, if you try to swallow Christian faith as it is often taught, it's indigestible. There is an element in it that, if you must take it all literally, causes most people to raise questions. Was Jesus really born from a virgin? What do we mean by the resurrection of the dead? So, yes, my work and what I try to do in my books is an invitation to say, "We can think about these things." We can look at them historically. We can look at the Bible, not as something that just descended from heaven in a cloud of gold, but a collection, laboriously assembled by countless people, with some very powerful truths in it. But that doesn't mean we have to take it all as if it were literally true and just simply try to swallow it. We can think about it, we can discuss it. As Jesus says, "Let the one who seeks not stop seeking until he finds. When he finds, he'll be troubled. When he's troubled, he'll be astonished." Jesus clearly invites us to a process of exploration - not simply a set of beliefs which we either accept or reject. We can hold on to the elements we love about it, and say that for others maybe it's different. And with this new evidence, I think it's a remarkable opportunity.

Glen dunked at 3/16/2006 4:55:26 pm

Any comments?

The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Movies

wa.
i think i've lost the love and inspiration to blog nowadays.
well i shall try something different today.

was reading TIME magazine when i came across these cool statements.
i'm not quite a movie-watcher nor a cinema-goer.
but i like these analogies made by those movie peeps.

Moviegoing is an almost religious act: a Mass experience. You walk into a cathedral, feel your spirit soar with hundreds of other communicants and watch the transubstantiation of images into feelings. The audience becomes a community, the movie the Communion.

- Richard Corliss

A 65-ft.-wide screen [about 20 m] and 500 people reacting to the movie - there is nothing like that experience.

- Michael Mann

With enough strangers in the room, you become part of this collective human soul - which is a much more powerful way to watch a movie than seeing it alone at home.

- M. Night Shyamalan

Moviegoing is like watching a football game. Who in the world would go out in 20-below weather and sit there and watch a football game where you can barely see the players? Football games are on TV, and it doesn't affect stadium attendance at all. It's the same with movies. People who really love movies and like to go out on a Saturday night will go to the movie theater.

- George Lucas

Glen dunked at 3/15/2006 11:05:56 pm

Any comments?

The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Friday, March 03, 2006

JAE 2006

i hadn't been in the St. Andrew's family.
ever since i started education at kindergarten.
i'd always wanted to be part of the SA family.
cos of the close bonding i always see among the Saints.
today i can finally say my long-awaited phrase:

Once a non-Saint

not always a non-Saint

just wanna thank God i'm able to stay in SAJC.
cos i noe there are many ppl who want to be a Saint.
but are facing difficulties becoming one.
i don't deserve wat i have today.
so i just wanna thank God for His grace.

pls pray for me tt i won't get retained in JC1.
n tt i will do well in my A's.
despite the fact tt SAJC is a fun place to play in.
thks, friends.

Glen dunked at 3/3/2006 6:57:31 pm

Any comments?

The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Submitting to our authorities

i'm writing this entry in response to a friend's entry.
this is wat she wrote:

Three of my church members were eating sweets on the bus.
I admit, i ate one too.
then suddenly i realised that we are not suppose to eat on public transport.
So, maybe half-heartedly, i told them not to eat on the bus le,
cos public transport cannot eat.
They tot i was joking, and just continued to eat.
Then, after a while, i sort of showed my displeasure, or like saying:
" eh... dun eat leh.. breaking the law leh. "
but they went on. cos my face still had a smile on it. haha.
so, i said " obey ur authorities leh"...which is wronglah..
so i got corrected " its submit to your authorities" .

this is the part.
My sister, sitting beside me, said she don't like ppl using the bible to pressurize ppl.
its like forming guilt in them, and this could make them stumble.
the problem is then, wad should i do?
don't do anything?
or don't keep insisting, showing I disaprove?
she brought out a certain point that by me insisting,
it could give ppl the wrong idea that by not obeying the law,
they would not be going to heaven. and this could make them backslide.

another point is:
this is a trivial matter and you shouldn't be so particular about it.
its like eating food tat has been offered to the idols.

now my side:
why did i say that in the first place?
well, being a christian is about Faith.
God gave me this faith and grace, so that i can be right with him.
now, being right with him, do i continue to disobey him?
no. In romans, it said, "submit to your authorities..."
meaning the government given by God,
it should be a good government and doing things for our good.
now, in this context, the laws are given by our government for a gd no. of reasons.

why shouldn't ppl eat on the bus?
well, simple, cos it'll dirty the bus.

why shouldn't ppl jay walk when there is a traffic light?
cos accidents will happen.

by disobeying this laws, aren't u defying the government?
which in turn is defying God?

now, the question on Guilt.
yes guilt is a powerful emotion.
but where in the first place does this guilt come from?
ur conscience?
there must be a stand between right and wrong, for you to feel guilt.
You are aware that u are in the wrong with something and therefore feel guilty.
So, is it a bad feeling?
well, its how u look at it.
Feeling guilty, wad do u do next?
do u give up and not want to continue doing right cos its too difficult?
or do u ask God for help..
understanding that it is by Faith that we are saved and not by law.
(cos if obeying the law saves us, den we are all going to hell)

now. guilt can lead to ppl backsliding.
does that mean i don't say my stand and just let them continue?

I feel that even if this is a trivial matter, its still a matter of right and wrong.
if we can't obey simple laws like this, how can we ever think of obeying God's word?
we are imperfect ppl, but we are ppl with christ living in us.
obeying God's word is not impossible to us anymore.

i was thinking of examples in Christ.
Did he ever break a law?
even the roman laws?
no, he didn't break any gd laws set by the authorities.
tts why they couldn't find any fault with him.
the only stand he took against them was to follow the gospel.
Like the Sabbath day, no one should be working but he did healing.
In this case, this law, is it following the gospel?

now, the problem that im thinking about is,
should i insist and show my displeasure when christians do not follow the gospel?
I know, i must understand where the ppl are coming from.
in this case, they are my church friends,
and we study the same thing, believing in the same thing.
so should i be tolerant of them?
or be intolerant when they do this kind of things???

i had actually wanted to respond via her tagboard.
but i realise i've got slightly more to say.

for me i'll still eat in the bus if i can't help it.
like last saturday i bought an ice cream at lavender.
i tot my bus wouldn't arrive so soon.
but it did.
not wanting to wait for another bus, i went against the rule.

i brought my ice cream up the bus.
i knew the driver saw it so i apologised n walked in.
he kindly allowed me to board the bus.
the best way to repay him was to make sure i didn't dirty the bus.
n i did.
i finished my ice cream; every part of it went into my stomach.

i noe wat i did ain't the right thing to do.
even for a non-Christian, it's wrong to eat in the bus.
actually, it's not abt right or wrong here.
cos tt is defined by the laws set by the govt in S'pore.
such things are abt whether it's beneficial or not.
whether it's good or bad.

i learnt this frm the principal of my alma mater.
Mr Lee Hak Boon aims to abolish all rules in the school.
he came up w/ 3 questions.
We should only do things that answer "Yes" to all 3 of them.
"Is it good for myself?
Is it good for the school?
(or country in this case)
Is it good for others?"

so judging frm the above, i had obviously did the bad thing.
the 3 questions weren't answered perfectly.
yes, it was good for myself.
cos i got to enjoy an ice cream during the bus ride.
but no, it wasn't good for the country.
cos i would've dirtied the bus if i weren't careful.
and no, it wasn't good for others.
cos they might do the same in the future.

here's my response to my friend's questions:
i would do the same thing if i weren't eating then.
i would, similarly, gently tell them, "eh don't eat la, later driver scold."
if i were eating too, i'd say, "eh i think we shd stop eating la."
then i would be the first one to stop eating.
if the rest don't follow suit, there's nth more i can do.
at least i'd have done my best by encouraging others to do the right thing.

so to my friend:
you did the right thing.
don't worry too much abt it.
i think it's okay to insist a little.
if they still wouldn't listen, then you shd let them be.

it's like trying to save a soul or convert a friend.
you share w/ him/her a few times abt Christ.
perhaps many times.
but he/she seems to be unmoved.
the best thing to do is of cos to persevere on.

but for me, i would not carry on.
if he/she refuses firmly tt i share the Gospel w/ him/her.
i've already done my best.
all i can do is to pray for him/her.
unless he/she's still interested in the Gospel.

my point is you've done ur part as a Christian.
i'll say God will do the rest.
i believe your friends will come to see the big picture.
probably it's only at tt time when they didn't see it.
i hope they get to read ur blog.
then as fellow churchmates, i'm sure they'll agree w/ u.

as for the guilt part, i suggest an explanation/elaboration.
you can try telling them they needn't feel guilty.
cos if guilt's the problem, i'm sure most of us will feel it.
i dare say many ppl have eaten in the bus before.
it's just tt we're trying to stop tt.

in conclusion, i guess we shd all just follow the Holy Spirit.
if you've done something right, i believe you'll feel at peace.
but if you haven't, then something in your heart will bother you.

it's like in my case in school today.
i skipped maths lecture.
i even skipped it w/ a friend.
it's so wrong!
i'm a Christian n yet i did the wrong thing.

so may we all always choose to do the right thing.

Glen dunked at 2/28/2006 9:36:28 am

Any comments?

The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Sunday, February 12, 2006

God shifted my eyes and taught me to be sensitive

almost 2 days have passed since the release of the O level results.
n i've started to reflect deeper on my results.

initially, my eyes were fixed on those who did better than me.
n i was actually very surprised at some of their results.
i realise schools don't make a big difference in their students' results.

whether one is in a top school or a neighbourhood school.
it's the hard core attitude he/she has towards studies.
tt propels him/her to great heights in academic success.

well.
during these 2 days, God has shifted my eyes elsewhere.
He has taken my eyes off those who did better than me.
i began to see those at the other end of the ladder.
the Holy Spirit prompted me to be sensitive to them.

i noe my previous entry sounded very ungrateful.
i got 12 which is already quite not bad.
some more i'm a retainee.
which means i was supposed to fare worse.
haha.

now i realise i'd been so insensitive.
12 is a not bad score.
yet i blogged tt i wasn't quite satisfied w/ it.
wat an ungrateful response!

today, i still feel sad.
but this time i don't feel sad for myself.
i feel sad for those who have fallen frm a great height.
i feel sad for my school who has not lived up to her standard.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, 14

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

I know that everything God does will endure forever;
nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it.
God does it so that men will revere Him.

i pray tt soon, our time of mourning will be over.
n tt time will heal all wounds.
in the meantime, let me give thanks to God.
not for the things i have lost.
but for the things i have left.

1 Thessalonians 5:18:
"In everything give thanks:
for this is the will of God
in Christ Jesus
concerning you."

Glen dunked at 2/12/2006 2:29:34 pm

Any comments?

The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Friday, February 10, 2006

My O Level results in different perspectives

back frm collecting my results.
back early cos there's nth to celebrate abt.
just something to thank God for.

L1R5: 12

kinda expected it.
been dreaming abt this magical number.
my prelim was moderated frm 22 to 12.
it was a great moderation.
so i tot my O's wud be arnd 12 too.

was praying tt i'd be able to stay in SAJC.
i have 4 bonus points.
2 loyalty points.
2 CCA points.
so i needed 13 or less to remain in Science stream.
15 or less for Arts stream.

i was praying for a nice number.
i didn't want 13 cos i heard it's an unlucky number.
i noe i'm not supposed to be superstitious.
but i preferred nicer numbers like 9, 10, 11 n 12.
my favourite is 14 but i didn't want it to be my L1R5.
only 12 kept flashing in my mind.
the other numbers were too unrealistic.

i think it's God's will.
12 is a Biblical number.
Jesus had 12 disciples.
then there were 12 tribes mentioned in the Bible.
n we have 12 days of Christmas.
okay tt's all i can think abt the number 12.

English - A2
Higher Chinese - B3
Chinese - A1
E Maths - A1
A Maths - B3
Physics - B3
Chemistry - B4
History - B3
Comb. Humans - A2

looking on the gloomy side:
i tot i cud get a distinction for Higher Chinese.
i tot i cud get a distinction for A Maths.
i tot i cud get a distinction for History.
i tot i cud get a distinction for Physics.
my school did very badly this yr.
i didn't do as well as some of my friends.

looking on the bright side:
i didn't expect to get a distinction for English.
i didn't expect to get a distinction for Comb. Humans.
i didn't expect to pass my Chemistry.
i think i can still stay in SAJC.
12 is quite a good score for a retainee like me.

in general, i still feel crestfallen.
i noe i shdn't be feeling this way.
cos it cud have been worse.
it's only by God's grace tt i got a decent L1R5.
n i ought to be content w/ wat i have now.

but i can't help feeling slightly more negative thn positive.
when i saw my L1R5, i felt the same as i did 5 yrs ago.
when i got my PSLE score i was oso crestfallen.
251 may seem very good to many.
but to me at tt point of time, i wasn't content.

similarly i don't seem to be content today.
12 is decent but i wanted more.
wat to do, i didn't do my best.
5 yrs in secondary school yet cudn't excel.

so at the end of today, i still feel sad.

i mourn for myself.
tt i'm not thanking God enough for His mercy.
i mourn for my school.
tt her standard has dropped a lot.
i mourn for my principal n teachers.
tt they slogged so hard.
yet they can't see the fruits of their labour today.
i mourn for my fellow green-shorts mates.
tt we (most of us) have let our alma mater down.

pls let me mourn n brood over this for some time.
i'm sure i'll get over this soon.

just wanna thank those who have been being there for me.
w/o these ppl, i wud've fared worse than 12.
you noe who you are.
thks.
i will need encouragements again for my promos n A Levels.

Glen dunked at 2/10/2006 5:18:01 pm

Any comments?

The Lord Jesus blesses Glen with Monday, January 02, 2006

Thanks & apologies

this entry is mainly abt Coffeeshop Nite 2005.

hmmm.
i just had lots of thoughts n feelings.
for the last few weeks of the past year especially.
during the prep on CFS Nite, i needed to talk to someone.
not to gain sympathy.
but to let him/her noe how useless i felt at tt time.

unfortunately there was no such someone available.
All my close friends were unavailable.
My sister was busy.
Amy wasn't there yet.
Rachael n Marian were busy.
Zheng Qin was busy.
Neale was out of the country.
Yi Qiang wasn't there yet.

all except God.
God is never busy.
God is forever available.
so into His ears my words of prayer went.

now i just wanna pen this down.
so it's gonna be very very long.
n you don't have to read the Apologies part.
(it's mainly for my memorable purpose.)

Apologies

basically it all started a short while aft i returned frm Thailand.
aft i settled down to the familiarity of the city life in S'pore.
okay maybe it started way b4 tt.
it was b4 the mission trip when i was called to serve.
to serve in an area which i never had experience in b4.
okay, i noe the other members were new to it too.
n we were a very young committee.

but at least they had some experience to wat they had to do.
(Marian was a prefect in school - a student leader.
Rachael has a flair for Art & Design.
Nigel, Charmaine n Daniel are well-respected n well-liked.
the same applied for the rest, except me.
i had nth to offer.)
tt was wat i thought n felt.

Lorraine approached me one Sunday aft service.
she told me i was in the CFS Nite committee.
specifically in the Food Dept together w/ Eveleen.
n then she asked me if i was okay w/ it.

at tt moment, honestly, i felt like rejecting it!
why me?
i'd never wanted serve in this area.
frankly, i rather be like some guys arnd my age.
apparaently, they don't have to help out much in church.
they just have to attend church.
n they seem to enjoy themselves alot.

okay, back to Lorraine.
thk God i didn't have the heart to say no.
so i gave her the nod.
not knowing at all abt the consequences.
i mean the price tt i had to pay.
ok ok, not tt serious.
i didn't noe the amt of effort n commitment required.

usually i ain't very much involved in such things.
the only days i go to church is Saturdays n Sundays.
so the date 30th Dec 2005 of CFS Nite drew nearer.
n i had to be in church more often.
thk God it was in the hols.
otherwise i wud really regret giving tt nod.

i shall come straight to the point.
during the whole process, i was the ultimate slacker.
Eveleen was the one doing her best.
(for the Food Dept.)
i was just always trying to find the easiest way out.

let me be honest here.
the only things i did were these.
approached some aunties n uncles.
invited them for the event.
asked if they wud wanna contribute food or $$.
called some of them over the phone to confirm the details.
merely asked Aunty Violet n Uncle Wong for 'equipment'.
such as utensils, cutlery, garbage bags, etc.

tt's all!
if u think these are very little work done, u're on the right track.
if u think these are much, Eveleen did much more.
i did abt 15% (maybe less thn tt!)
she did the rest.
when i say the rest, i really mean the rest.
every single other thing.

i'm not trying to be selfless or humble here.
seriously, i'm utterly ashamed of myself.
i'm not fit to be recognised as a part of the committee.
n i owe my committee-mates an apology.

Lydia
Lorraine
Grace
Jasmine
Nigel
Charmaine
Daniel
Marian
Rachael
Jeremiah
Dennis
Zheng Qin
Jasper
Bernice
Kimberly
Lynette
n especially Eveleen.
(pls tell me if i missed anyone out.)

i'm terribly sorry for not doing my best.
please grant me your forgiveness and understanding.
i know where i went wrong.
it's my time management right?
maybe next time i shdn't invite so many friends.
perhaps not even one.
when i'm in the organising committee of an event.

okay, let me briefly explain wat was going on.
since the beginning, i'd not been putting in much effort.
everything escalated to a climax on the day itself.
i guess one of the probs was miscommunication.
it wasn't the others' prob.
i noe it was mine.

i had invited abt 18 friends to this event.
but i didn't tell this to anyone, clearly.
n b4 the event, i already planned to meet them.
not to go out n have fun of cos.
but to bring them to church.

okay, here comes the prob.
i was in the committee.
n i was supp to be in church most of the time, if not all.
but instead it was the opposite.
i wasn't in church most of the time.

i had planned to meet my friends in 2 places.
cos u see, i wanted to make it as convenient as possible.
for my friends, as i treat them as guests to my church.
so i arranged 2 meeting places.
Toa Payoh Interchange at 5:15pm.
Potong Pasir Mrt Station at 6pm.

early timings due to God's creation of late-comers.
so i intended to stay at home at abt 3 plus.
to get some rest n get ready to meet my friends.
(you can clearly see my selfishness here.)

but thk God i cudn't get my rest.
cos it's so unfair if i did so.
the others were slogging in church yet i was slacking at home!

initially i was in church.
helped out a little only.
then i tot i wasn't much needed.
(i noe it was an excuse.)
so i sneaked home.

shortly aft i arrived home, Eveleen called me.
she needed manpower to transport ice to church.
i did my best to reach church asap.
but it was already done.
Jasper helped her.

for the 2nd time, i tot i wasn't needed.
so i asked Eveleen if i was needed then.
of cos, Eveleen is a kind-hearted girl.
so she let me go home out of kindness.
when actually she needed help.
cos it wasn't easy as i'd expected it to be.

when i went home again, someone called me again.
this time, it was Jeremiah.
he highlighted to me the importance of my job.
he let me noe tt i wasn't applying the meaning of commitment.

"it's not easy u noe.
do u noe tt Eveleen broke down just now?
i dunno wat difficulties u're facing.
but being here in church is the right thing u shd do now.
tt's wat i noe."

tt was roughly wat he said to me over the line.
u noe wat.
i was supp to be angry w/ him.
i was supp to have negative feelings abt him.
i was supp to be telling him, "i gotta meet my friends later leh!"

but thk God He was in control.
i realised my blunder n made my way back to church again.
i felt sorry for myself.
for getting myself in such a pathetic state.
why the heck did i invite my grp of friends again?
but at the same time, i was very ashamed of myself.
for being unable to get my priorites straight.

when i reached church, Jere talked to me.
he told me abt the situation.
n i told him my mistakes.
"the worst part is tt u're going off at 4," he said.
(Eveleen n some others were collecting the food at 5.)

thk God for Jeremiah, really.
it was actually a problem i cudn't solve.
n i didn't expect anyone to help me.
perhaps God.
but it was my own doing, yet i cudn't fix it.

God used Jere to talk some sense into me.
n to make me realise the seriousness of my actions.
he oso offered me a solution.
"u have to ask someone to cover ur duties."

now the prob was i cudn't find anyone to do tt.
n i didn't have the face to ask ppl to help me.
but again, God used Jere.
Jere managed to ask Yang to help me.
i'm just so thkful to God for this.
thk God for such brothers like Jere n Yang!

so i managed to go to Toa Payoh.
but w/ a very burdened mood.
it was as if i was doing something wrong.
meeting my friends when i was supp to help in church.

Zheng Qin tried to persuade me to stay in church.
he offered me an alternative.
"why not u ask ur friends to come themselves?
they came for Chillin' Under The Stars (CUTS) right?
or u can ask them to come down to PP MRT station.
i can go on ur behalf to bring them here.
i'll be wearing my orange Race Camp T-shirt."

but i told him i cudn't guarantee my friends knew the way.
n it's quite a big grp.
it's hard to ask someone among them to lead the way.
cos they weren't all frm the same class.
they were in cliques.
no one in the grp knew everyone else.

in the end, he got other ppl to cover my duties.
i may not be able to show it.
but i really felt very bad for the trouble.
i learnt my lesson.
i really did.

i'll never agree to something i'm unsure of so readily again.

Thanks

i wanna thk God for many things in this event.
despite the trouble n inconvenience tt i caused.
i wanna thk God esp for the weather tt evening.
the weather looked really bad an hr b4 the event.

i felt so helpless then.
cos i wasn't there to help w/ the food.
n if it rained, i wudn't be there too to help bring in the food!
so i prayed alone, on my way to Toa Payoh.
i noe the rest were praying fervently back in church too.
praise God it didn't rain!
even aft the event ended..
God is indeed merciful.

another thing i wanna thk God for is my friends.
this time, only abt 3 of them left earlier.
n they had valid reasons to do so.
unlike CUTS, when a bigger grp left halfway.
this time tt grp stayed till the end!

i'm so touched, very touched.
b4 the event, they already promised to stay til the end.
n they did.
thk God!
they said they had to make it up for me.

Chunyuan
Raymond Ng
Jia Hong
Yeow Chern
Wei Jie
Chiak Ming
Jeffrey
Kaiyang
Bryan
Feng Yao
Kenneth
Ziyan
Wilson
Marcus
Boon Liang
Chuan Yang
Guorong
Zihao
Yuda

thks for coming!
i hope you all enjoyed the programme.
gonna miss you all alot.
(except those going to SAJC w/ me!)
haha.
thk God for each one of you.
you've been a nice blessing in my life.
see you all again this March!

yup.
everything else went smoothly for CFS Nite.
n i have to commend Eveleen.

Eve, your efforts paid off!
i was told tt the food was enough for everyone.
n we didn't have leftovers right?
i'm still sorry for not fulfilling my share of the job.
anyway you put in alot of efforts.
n i'm sure God will bless you alot!

for CFS Nite 2005, i didn't have the chance to play drums, again.
despite tt, i thk God for the opportunity to perform.
altho not drums, it still glorified God.
i pray tt our performance touched many ppl.
n tt at least some will turn to Christ.
indeed, "He is my reason to live..."

Glen dunked at 1/2/2006 7:23:45 pm

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